After walking up a flight of stairs to get to the second floor, make a quick right exiting the narrow hallway and you will find yourself entering into a room that seems to expand so much it is disorienting for a moment.  The big glass windows seem to open, rather than enclose the room and curve round to focus attention on the enveloping presence directly in front of you.  Red.

The enormous 2.8m high by 6.1m wide canvas is covered with red paint.  The “redness” is inescapable.

I run my fingers over sandpaper, smell gasoline, taste a kiss, hear the whistle of a train, see bright yellow, become enraged.  Each has a very distinct subjective character.  What is the “redness” of red, the “ringingness” of a bell?  Philosophers call these qualia.  Qualia are properties of experience that are distinct from any source it might have in a physical object.  Qualia seem to be a mystical property of the phenomenal consciousness (the ability to have experiences) that is thought to be uniquely human.  “The hard problem is that red things look a certain way to me, different from green.  I might build a computer that could distinguish red things from green ones, but, at first glance, it doesn’t seem as if either color would look a certain way to the computer.”  At first glance…

What I’m wondering is when intelligent robots look at “Anna’s light”, will they experience quaila with their cybernetic hybrid auto-loading reverse-stuffing made-in-china computer brains?  The tentative answer from one expert is a convincing “hell yes, probably definitely they will”.

This AI expert’s (Drew McDermott – Mind and Mechanism) unquestionably true argument for which absolutely no evidence exists yet will now be reconstructed in part:  Assuming that robots will eventually have agility and intelligence to the level that they can find solutions to difficult problems, then they will inevitably have to have a self-model.  Say we decide to show said intelligent robot some pictures and ask it to find a green object in them.  The robot identifies a green house in one picture.  We ask it how it knows that the house is green.  It responds by saying (assume it also has language ability) “What do you mean?! Look! It’s green!”  But that doesn’t tell us anything so we press it to further explain how it knows this.  Eventually the only form of explanation is to say the green house “looks like” other familiar green objects (grass, etc.).

That is in essence what qualia are; the point at which introspection bottoms out and a similarity to other objects is drawn.  They are used to (unconsciously) record comparisons that have already taken place.  Why does introspection stop at a certain point?  Because, like us, the robot has a self-model and a consequence of a self-model is that the self has to be modeled as exempt from causality (i.e. has free will) in order to prevent infinite regress in the self-model.  The self-model has certain boundaries that forbid it from asking certain questions or introspecting further.

So while a robot may not have an aesthetic appreciation of giant canvas covered in red paint (unless its robot peer group was all talking about how brilliant the artist was and it was influenced by robot social pressures), it may experience the “redness” the same way we do.

(insert bad anatomical joke here)

I posed this question to myself recently and even thought about polling some male friends who I respect and admire.  Hopefully they’re reading this and want to share.  Maybe you would strike one from the list or say “How the hell did he leave off ____?!”

The deeper I dug, the more great qualities I came up with.  Many of them tie into each other.  But which one is most definitive?  I don’t think there is necessarily one right answer.  Which ever characteristic you chose as the definitive one is a personal choice (and might be the one you need to work on the most).

My list was influenced by an eclectic mix of friends, mentors, movie characters, subject matter experts, teachers, musicians and artists…

Responsible

An obvious one right?  A former teacher used to say people are defined by their utility to others.  It could also be said for men and responsibility.  Being responsible for continually equipping yourself with new abilities to tackle life’s problems is a personal responsibility.  A man extends his responsibility as his capability increases.  He becomes responsible not only for himself, his thoughts, his situation but increasingly for his loved ones, friends, people around him, strangers even.

Patient

Necessary but boring and doesn’t scream “I’m a man.”  But seriously, the ability to delay gratification is essential to manhood.

Decisive

A close second for me but I decided to go with another for my first.  Several years ago I remember being told by a former teacher something like, “I’d rather you be authoritatively wrong then be correct and hesitant.”  To be honest, when I first heard this I was like, “that’s bullshit.”  It still creates somewhat of an adverse reaction in me but I now understand the wisdom this message carries for men and leaders in a deep way.  What he meant was not “I want you to insist that you’re right even when you’re wrong.”  What I take from it now is don’t expect anyone to have confidence in your decision if you don’t.  Self-trust engenders other’s trust in you.  If you are willing to be wrong and learn from it, you can grow and become wiser.  When a man pauses while making a decision it’s not due to hesitation but because he recognizes more reflection is needed.

Two questions every man should ask himself:  “Where am I going?” And “Who’s going with me?”  The order of the questions should never be reversed.

Comfortable, Composed, Confident, Compassionate

The masculine Cs.  All manly and all start with C so I wrapped ‘em into one.  Actors model these so well.  These seem to arise naturally from the quality I chose for the number one spot, without which they are only a front.

Mature

The level of maturity required to admit mistakes and admit to being wrong should not be taken for granted.  Likewise for maturity needed to not take credit for doing good stuff or not seek praise for it.  Let petty stuff go without having to “be right.”  Remain open to advice from others but recognize that you are ultimately responsible for your decisions and there is no one else to blame for them.

“I learned a new word today, and that word is NO”

Stable

My choice for the most definitive quality of a man.  The use of stable here should call to mind feelings of inner-strength and control, rather than predictability and routine.  Think of a rock.  No a mountain.  Solid.  Unaffected by the changing winds, he stays his course.  Not because he is incredibly determined but because he is rooted in something much stronger.  He’s able to recognize life’s tests and setbacks and not lose his cool.  In this sense he is immovable and uncollapasable, even when someone pokes him in his weak spot.  Confidence and composure can be faked to give the impression someone has this strength but without true inner strength and stability they are just an empty front.  Confidence becomes arrogance in an aggressive attempt to convince others of strength; a patch over the place inner strength would rest.  The feeling of real stability and integrity engenders trust in a very authentic way.  People around him feel the integrity that comes from his self-knowing and unwavering commitment to his truth.

How are you going to create what you want, if you don’t know what you want?  –  I chose to list positive qualities that men possess rather than negative qualities that we lack (for example “doesn’t complain”) because a very important part of doing this exercise was to focus on what I want to create for myself.  When your focus is creating, it doesn’t make any sense to talk about what you want to lack!  The point here is not to try and come off like I’ve got this all figured out and under control.  Rather it is an idea of where I want to get to, not where I’m at yet.

Now that I’ve put out this list, all of my good friends can call me out when I screw up on these!

“Understanding creative tension allows failure to be transformed yet another way.  It is simply evidence of the gap between vision and current reality.”

But how does that work?  Intellectual understanding is surely not enough.  The “realness” of the gap between reality and vision cannot be known mentally, it must be felt in a genuine, raw way.  Armor laid aside.

Failure must be approached from honesty and not resistance.  This doesn’t just mean the acknowledgment of failure.  The attitude of “I’m not going to let this get me down.  I’m going to fight harder! Ergh! (teeth gnashed)” may acknowledge failure in a superficial way but still resists its transformation.  It is a reaction based on fear.  It wasn’t until I said “This isn’t going to work.  I’ve failed.  This is painful” that a major shift started.  I can’t adequately express this.

This is mirrored in the martial artist’s concept of “turning into the pain.”  That is, when one is put into a lock, it is the acceptance of and movement towards the direction of pain that relieves it and may put one in an advantageous position, rather than the reaction to tense up and “fight” the pain which can result in injury.

I gained tangible experience that failure is an aspect of our reality that we have the power to change.  The bitterness of failure turns into fuel for the fire, increasing the push on reality towards vision.  Pain may not totally disappear, but the spark of creativity is reignited and the need for innovation elucidated.  Mental and emotional resources that were tied up in “suffering defeat” are freed.  This is the afterburner switch in your cockpit.  The genuine, unguarded experience of failure hits it, hastening the pace towards your goal, driving you to find new ways around your obstacles or gives you’re the humility to accept the course you knew about but resisted.  Shit, failure actually becomes funny at times.  One step further and it turns into giving of thanks.

Encountering a painful failure and transforming it can actually be what it takes to break out of a rut and progress.

Continually working through this process, genuinely experiencing failure and its transformation becomes a path to fearlessness.

Disclaimer: Contains the following self-help-new-age sounding words, vision, purpose, goals and personal mastery.  Don’t let it sour your palette.  I’ve tried to think of cooler words for these concepts but haven’t yet, probably because they already serve their purpose for me as is.  The concepts are what’s important, not the names.  Call’em whatever you want.  This is appropriately filed under “soapbox”. It’s not meant to read like a self-help book or sermon.  Rather it’s simply a reflection on things I’m learning and wish to integrate with greater efficacy in my life.

Personal mastery can be thought of as approaching one’s life as a creative work, living life from a creative, not reactive viewpoint.  It goes beyond competence and skills, though it is grounded in competence and skills.  Goes beyond spiritual opening, though it requires spiritual growth.  It suggests a special level of proficiency in every aspect of life.  Similar to the idea of being a lifelong learner, learning in this context is not simply acquiring more information.  It is expanding the ability to create.  There is a generative aspect to it.  People with high levels of personal mastery are continually expanding their ability to create what they truly seek, continually creating their reality.

Hopefully most of us know someone who the previous statement describes.  Chances are they probably have these characteristics too:

• View current reality as an ally, not an enemy.
• Ability to perceive and work with the forces of change rather than resist those forces.
• Are deeply inquisitive.  Have the eyes of a 3 year old child.
• Feel connected to others and life itself, yet are incredibly unique.
• Have a sense of being part of a larger creative process, which they cannot unilaterally control.  They are a vessel.
• Have a capacity for delayed gratification.
• Are driven by a special purpose that lies behind their vision, goals.

Adopting personal mastery as a discipline means at least 2 things –

1)      Continually clarifying what is important to you.  The clearer the better.  Most of us have only a dim, vague, possibly inaccurate view of what’s really important to us because we spend so much time just coping with problems that pop up.  How will you ever get what you want if you don’t know what you want in the first place?

2)      Continually learning how to see current reality more clearly.  Most of us have learned to rely too heavily on our concepts of reality, rather than our observations of it.  In moving towards your desired destination, it is vital to accurately know where you are now.

Approach this much like any other discipline you wish to become proficient at, meaning you have to apply the principles and practices for them to be useful.  That means now!  Not later.

Vision:

Most adults have little sense of real vision.  We have goals and objectives but not visions.  If asked what we want, most of us would describe what we want to get rid of.  “I’d like to get rid of my boring job”, “I’d like to get out of this house and into a better neighborhood”, “I’d like to lose some weight and look more attractive”.  We don’t have visions, we have negative visions.  A by-product of a lifetime of coping, fitting in, problem solving and not creating.

I don’t want this to turn into a church revival so I’ll keep the part about purpose brief.  No one can prove or disprove that human beings have a purpose. (cue angels singing and playing harps).  But if you work on the premise that we do, one implication is that happiness may be a result of living consistently with your purpose.  Look, you don’t need to think of purpose as having to be some grand, profound, mountain-moving mission, though it could be for some people.  It’s a direction, a general heading.  It’s abstract.  Vision, on the other hand, is concrete.  The more concrete and specific the better (explanation to come later).  Vision is a specific destination (note: it’s a specific destination, not the only one you will have in your life, you don’t “arrive” in the sense of obtaining a permanent state, remember).

Vision is something you want for its intrinsic value, not because of where it places you relative to someone else.  This brings to mind the idea of competition.  Really there is nothing wrong with competition; it really can bring out the best in some people.  Maybe you win, maybe you lose, but when the competition is over it is a sense of purpose that pulls you further along to set another vision.  Basically you need both vision and purpose.

“It takes courage to hold visions that are not in the social mainstream.”

Creative Tension:

It’s difficult for most people to talk about their vision, probably because we are so aware of the gap between our vision and current reality.  These gaps make a vision seem unrealistic, silly.  But it is exactly this gap that can be a tremendous source of energy for change.  Something happens when we juxtapose what we deeply want (our vision) and a clear picture of current reality.  There is a tension that seeks resolution, a force that pulls the two together.  This is “creative tension”.  It is essential to learn how to generate and sustain creative tension in life.

There are only two ways this tension can be resolved: reality is pulled towards vision.  Or, vision is pulled to reality.  Which one occurs depends on how strongly and clearly we hold the vision.

Often feelings of anxiety, frustration, worry and discouragement are associated with creative tension.  People come to think that the creative state is synonymous with a state of anxiety.  But it is not.  It is important to understand that while these feelings may arise when there is creative tension, they are not creative tension itself.  They can be thought of as emotional tension, separate from creative tension and it is important to distinguish them.

This is why I think the statement “desire is suffering” is oversimplified.  Desire is not suffering anymore than creative tension is emotional tension.  Failing to make this distinction predisposes you to lowering your vision or abandoning it completely.  What’s the easiest thing to do when you feel discouraged by the gap between vision and reality?  The quick remedy is lower your vision to relieve the emotional tension.  But a one time reduction in vision is usually not the end.  The price you pay is often abandoning what you truly want in order to make life more “bearable”

“Only mediocre people are always at their best.”

Whatever the reasons, we as a culture do not seem to pursue emotional development with the same intensity that we do physical and intellectual development.  Maybe it’s because it’s not as quantifiable as the other two; it’s hard to measure someone’s level of emotional development.  It’s also not to easy place social importance on it by rewarding it materially or otherwise.  (I feel a whole other blog topic coming up.)

At some point, most of us have been told to view failure as an opportunity to learn.  100% sound advice.  Understanding creative tension allows failure to be transformed yet another way.  It is simply evidence of the gap between vision and current reality.

There seems to be widespread belief that for an individual, an organization, or a society to make a fundamental change, there needs to be a serious threat.  Like things have to get bad enough or people will not change.  In my opinion this comes from living life in a reactive, not creative way.  Seeing current reality as an enemy to fight against.  Being repelled by what we have, rather than pulled toward what we want to create.  But what if we shift our posture towards reality, making it an ally and the source of creative tension?

Another rubber band:

Unfortunately creative tension is not the only force pulling us.  To be continued.

Adopt the mindset of a lifelong learner.  It is this mentality, not the pursuit of perfection, which leads to great personal development.  Evolution is the goal.  Getting better little by little, always learning, always evolving.

You can never say, “I’m a master of …” or “I’m an expert on such and such”, any more than you can say “I am enlightened”.  You never arrive.  You only evolve.  You spend your life mastering your disciplines.  This is the idea of personal mastery.  The more you learn, the more acutely aware you are of your ignorance.

As soon as you find yourself thinking “Ah, I’m getting good at this,” change!  Do something new, something slightly different than before, play a little bit.

Because

No one is “excellent” in the sense that they have obtained a permanent state of excellence.  To think that one is “excellent” means one has stopped growing, the flow of creativity through them is stagnate, their capacity is shrinking.

So here’s a thought: when you achieve something great, take just a moment, the time it takes to breathe one deep breath, and let that feeling soak in.  Then let it go.  When you’ve screwed up beyond belief, let that go too (and laugh!  If you can’t laugh at yourself find some friends who’ll make fun of you.)  Welcome whatever comes because it is an opportunity to learn and further evolve.

If you’re going to prevail in this, you’ll need tools (and lots of practice of course!)  You’ll need a sense of Nowness.  If you are thinking about the past or the future you cannot truly be in the present.  Develop the ability to observe yourself in the present.  And the ability to bring yourself back to the present when you’ve been pulled away from it.  This is an essential tool to carry on your learner’s tool belt.  What perceptions do you carry?  How do they influence your decisions, your thoughts, your reality?  How are they serving you? How are they limiting you?

Some people are great at baking bread.  Some at leading others.  Some at eating hot dogs.

Whatever individual talents you may or may not have, everybody is born with the ability to develop personal mastery.